Stuff I’m into – June edition

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harness pridedy sadplug

a – this is going to be a new post where I teach you all how to paint a box (amazing!); when my laptop went in for repairs I couldn’t dick around with my blog anymore so I repainted a bunch of old Lelo boxes for storage instead. turned out cute!  / b – I got this harness from Kinky Monkey and it is FANTASTIC / c- I found glitter in places on my body that I didn’t even know existed after this / d – I think this might be the most depressing picture of a buttplug ever taken? I can hear the CSI Las Vegas theme in my head just looking at it. it’s a great plug though.

I don’t have much in the way of photos for this month because wowww did June turn out to be busy and I guess I was just too distracted trying to spot-clean tomato soup stains out of my interview shirts to do anything interesting. I got some nice stuff in the post this month, though – I have a beautiful Papillon from Idee du Desir waiting to be reviewed, and Kinky Monkey sent me that glorious holographic harness I was banging on about last month. I have some reaaal intense feelings for it.

FEELINGS

Like I said, real intense.

I also changed my blog theme (in case you didn’t notice) and I really love it! It has a lot of white space and while I’m still working on tweaking a few things here and there, I’m pleased with how it looks for now. I took an updated collection photo here, I took a #straponselfie, I ruined my hair again, I got a new job…June’s been okay, and hopefully July’ll be even better cause it’s my birthday month! There won’t be a giveaway or anything because I didn’t think to organise one (sorry), but maybe I’ll make celebratory dildo biscuits or something.

And again, timely offers + sex toy news snippets –

  • Lovehoney unveiled a new magic wand attachment that you can stick your suction cup dildos to! It looks super nifty and it’s only £10 at the minute.
  • The Mustang Royale is out!!! It comes with a new base that’s meant to make it better for strap-on fucking and I would crawl across the desert in my skivvies to get to one.
  • 20% off everrrrrything at sextoys.co.uk! Just enter code HEAT20 at checkout.
  • You know I just reviewed the Tiger G5 like yesterday? There’s a Big Boss G5, too. Hefty.
  • There’s limited edition $60 emerald green Splash dildos in the Tantus Grab Bag bit so if that’s something that appeals to you, I’d get one while they’re there cause they’re probably not coming back.
  • The 20% off select Tantus offer at Shevibe is still running, plus they have 15% off Kiiroo for a limited time.
  • Since reviewing two cheaper butt toys earlier this month, I’ve been on a mission to find more budget butt stuff that’s not jelly galore and found these two promising ones on sextoys.co.uk. They’re under a tenner, too!
  • Win a glass dildo in your choice of colour and design from Fucking Sculptures over at Shevibe this month!

orangejuiceHave a good summer, and I hope you’re all slathering yourselves in spf!

Review – Fun Factory Tiger G5

Fun Factory Tiger G5

I like Fun Factory a lot. I’m never going to call myself a fan of any big business, but if I had to, really really had to, then Fun Factory’d be on that list purely by virtue of their design; they nearly always have these interesting, organic shapes that I rarely see elsewhere, great charging systems and excellent controls (also, pretty colours).

The Fun Factory Tiger is an older design that’s been upgraded by the new G5 motor; with pronounced ribs along the shaft and a curved head sporting what looks like a monstrous foreskin, it resembles a neon, stripped down H.R Giger fragment. It also has this irritatingly non-committal curly nub at the base – am I a rabbit? Am I a garden variety internal vibrator? I’ll never tell! 

In addition to looking like something you’d find attached to a very big and very friendly creature out in deep space, the Tiger G5’s on the thicker side – I measured 4.7 inches of girth, 5 inches around the head/foreskin/thing, and 6 inches of insertable length. It doesn’t sound much bigger than usual, but Fun Factory’s silicone has this infamously draggy texture that feels bigger than it really is; think acrylic paint and very fine sand, but less risky on the internal abrasions front. It doesn’t stop me from enjoying it, but it’s not something I can just jam inside myself on a whim. Shame, because this big teal sucker’s otherwise knocked the Ina Wave right off the top of my favourite vibrators list.

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Review – Bondara black glass orb butt plug

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This’ll be a quick one, not least because I didn’t take any good pictures for this review so there’s nothing to break up skyscraper size blocks of text with. All you need to know is that Bondara are apparently the keyholders to a kingdom of budget butt stuff that’s actually good, and the large orb glass butt plug is no exception.

I like firm, glossy materials for butt stuff – steel, glass – because they don’t suck up lube like silicone does and weirdly, they’re easier to take. What feels impossibly huge in silicone feels attainable in steel; it’s the glide, I think, there’s no drag, they’re kinder to my insides. Unfortunately, finding affordable glass butt toys in shapes I like (thin stems, wide bases, fat and top heavy) is next to impossible and everything under twenty five quid + postage has this weird squat reverse cottage loaf thing going on where the stem’s almost as thick as both the bulbous bit and the base, which means that 1 in 4 reviews mention how it slipped inside hubby at a critical moment. I am not in the slightest bit exaggerating. This plug is thankfully exempt from all of that, and it’s only £13.99 to boot. Praise be.

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Review – Bondara silicone anal pleasure beads

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This is truly a momentous occasion: this is my first set of anal beads, and they are good.

The Bondara silicone anal pleasure beads might have kind of a squicky name, but they’ve fulfilled all my dream criteria for a sex toy. Seriously – they feel good, look good, they’re body-safe, actually work as intended aaand they’re affordable, retailing for £9.99 and currently in a two for £24.99 offer. Nifty!

Unfortunately the Bondara website doesn’t actually mention the dimensions for each individual bead (why?) so I went ahead and measured them myself – the smallest bead is 2 inches in circumference, the second 2.5 inches, the third 3 inches, and the final and thickest is 3.5 inches. I’d stick these firmly in the small to medium category, and although they’re slightly textured it’s nothing I’d classify as extreme or only for the hardened of soul and butthole.

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Review – Tantus Curve dildo & harness kit

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How long have I been after the Tantus Curve for? Like two years? I wanted one well before I started blogging about sex toys, and it was one of the first things that made it onto my first big proper wishlist, the first one I made that was free of luminescent jelly rubber whatsits. And finalllllly, I’ve got my hands on one – the folks at Tantus sent me the Curve kit.

The Curve surprised me on a couple of levels. I didn’t expect it to be as firm as it is, for one thing; I like my detachable dicks to be on the softer, floppier side (see the Pack & Play 02 & anything Vixskin) but this only has the slightest bit of flex to it. Forgiving is not a word I’d use to describe it, especially with just under 5 inches of girth, those ridges, and the pointed tip that occasionally jabs me in the cervix when I get carried away. It does have a lovely velvety finish though, which reduces drag and doesn’t soak up lube like a sponge, unlike some of my softer dildos.

The Curve was mediocre the first few times I used it. Bordering on unlikable, actually. One of those things where you think it might get better but it doesn’t – sorta like that time I went home with a guy I really fancied and he made me watch two episodes of the Big Bang Theory and when we finally got down to it he was pressing a solid inch away from the important bits even when I told him and moved his hand BUT ANYWAY, I DIGRESS. It was okay. The orgasms were more imagination than anything. C’est la vie. Not everything can be great all the time.

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