Review – Jimmyjane Form 3

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The problem with the Jimmyjane Form 3 is that it’s a tease.

Initially I was pretty thrilled to be reviewing this. Despite having lusted after the Form 2 for literal years I’ve never seen a Jimmyjane toy in the flesh before, and the Form 3 has always struck me as interesting with the whole ‘give your fingers vibrating superpowers!!!’ thing. Add strong vibrations, a travel lock, and sleek design into the mix, and I was ready to be smitten.

The Form 3 gets it right on the aesthetics front. I like how it looks (even if it does come in ridiculously wasteful packaging); it reminds me of an expensive desk toy with the buttons shaped into an exclamation point and the flexible membrane at the top. Unfortunately, much like an expensive desk toy, the Form 3 seems to have no real purpose in life. It is a spectacular display of form over function.

The Form 3 has a fiddly little charger that relies on a series of lights to tell you how juiced up it is. If it flashes three times when you remove it from the charging base then it’s charged to full, if there’s two it’s at a medium level of charge, one flash is a low charge signal and four blinks means that it’s dead. It also requires an initial eight hour charge, and I hope you’ve got eight hours to monitor it because it really, really likes disconnecting for no apparent reason! It took me two days to charge this thing to full. Two. Days. I’d leave it on, go to work, get back, lift it off the base and it’d give me that one slow blink. It was what I imagine being winked at by Lucille Bluth would be like.

I feel like the vibrations were wasted on the Form 3. They’re not bad, really; not £90 good, I think it’s wildly overpriced, but they’re strong if buzzy on the higher levels, the top speed is nothing to turn your nose up at and the patterns aren’t half bad, but the problem I’m having is that the design of the Form 3 makes it nearly impossible to utilise them to their full potential.

jjf33The tip just doesn’t work as intended. It’s awkward. I can bend it and press it and squeeze it into a little cup shape, but the vibrations fade into buzzy nothingness as soon as they reach the thin, soft silicone, trying to hold it upside down while squeezing it into shape gave me hand cramp, and applying pressure with a fingertip only makes everything worse. It’s nowhere near as intuitive or easy to use as it’s hyped up to be, and you might as well forget it if you have long nails. Even giving up and pressing the base against my clit is underwhelming. It’s like it’s rolled up in an invisible roll of bubblewrap – no matter what I do, I can’t feel a damn thing. It doesn’t feel any better underwater, and even more irritating is the noise; it sounds exactly like an electric toothbrush, and goes right through my head.

Oh, and in regards to the ‘it feels like a tongue’ shtick: it feels like no tongue I’ve ever known and I would not like to become intimately acquainted with a tongue that feels anything like this does.

After giving up on flexing the membrane (literally the worst phrase I have ever used on this blog) I tried getting off using the thinner sides and the very tip pressed next to my clit or stroked over it, but they’re so thin I get a split second of intense vibration followed by…absolutely nothing. I’m aware of people who get off by rubbing or vibrating just the one side of their clit but I’m not one of them; I like pressure, and things that are either soft enough to mould to me or shaped with a slight indentation or curve to begin with.

The Form 3 does neither of those things – even though it should do! The Form 3 is like if you made plans with a friend and then they rang you up the on the day like, “hey! you know we were meant to go to the beach today? how about we just dump a bucket of pebbles in the bathtub and pretend?”

The Form 3 is a let down.

I can’t recommend the Form 3. I’m sorry to my vag for putting it through this and I’m especially sorry to the nice folks over at Bondara, who sent me this and are now probably regretting it. Sorry guys.

If you do think this particular brand of squeezy silicone and odd motor placement would work for you (maybe you have really resilient hands, maybe you like a challenge?) you can snag yourself a Jimmyjane Form 3 at Bondara in slate grey or raspberry, for the grand old price of £89.99.

4 Comments

  1. Reenie 23/12/2014

    It’s so rare to hear anything good about Jimmy Jane =/ I applaud your vulva for testing this out – for its courage and its endurance. Thank you for risking its life for us!

    Reply
    • A C 23/12/2014

      Aw Reenie, you are just the cutest <3 I still kind of want to try the Form 2 out but I've lost interest in anything else from them.

      Reply
  2. Peep 25/12/2014

    So many people are instantly attracted to this one on the floor…your review confirmed my thoughts! “Form Over Function” should really be the tagline of all the Jimmy Jane Forms.

    Reply
    • A C 26/12/2014

      I can see why, it’s really interesting looking! But oh man was it a disappointment, ugh.

      Reply

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