I’ve mentioned this before, but packing’s not something I’m particularly into. I’ve had a couple of emails asking me if I planned on reviewing any (the Vixen Mr Right is the one I’ve been most commonly asked about) and I’m never sure whether to do it or not because I’m just not that invested in it personally, it’s not a key part of me and I don’t want to accidentally overlook crucial things; as an example, because I favour broad stimulation from external vibrators I tend to forget to mention if a vibrator’s good for pinpoint. I don’t want to do that with something that’s so deeply personal for some people – I get irritated enough when people don’t mention how harnesses perform during, you know, actual fucking.
Anyway. I sort of changed my mind recently – about a week or so ago Uberkinky offered to send me one for review and I took them up on it, figuring that it was worth a try, I’d get to manhandle a lump of squidgy Fleshlight material, and if all else fails I could put googly eyes on it and nail it to my door.
I didn’t specify which size I wanted (lucky dip!) when I asked Uberkinky for one to review and they sent me the medium. The medium’s not realllllly a medium at all – it’s surprisingly hefty and clocks in at at 7 inches in length, 5 inches in girth, and has a pair of joyously saggy wrinkled balls weighing it down. I have an unabashed love for supersized floppy dicks so this is a plus for me, but in more practical terms the x-small or small sizes seem much more suitable for everyday packing. It’s also worth bearing in mind that the material is so soft that it’s totally unable to support itself, which means it gets dragged down by its own weight, stretching out and making it look longer than it actually is. #bigdickproblems
Mr Limpy’s a sensitive soul; made from Fleshlight’s softer-than-marshmallows superskin material it can easily develop nicks through rough or regular handling that can gradually stretch out with further use and render it unusable, unless you’re really into having a moth-eaten dick. I haven’t had mine for very long and it had a couple of tiny rips like icepick scarring after a day or so of enthusiastic handling (read: squishing and flopping and crushing), and these are now becoming more apparent. It’s so hard to stop myself from doing it, though – it’s one of the most soothing things I’ve ever laid my hands on, plus if you squeeze it in your hand super hard it merges to itself and slowly peels apart like one of those alien egg toys you might’ve had as a kid. It’s amazing. And disgusting.
I don’t have a dedicated packing strap; again, packing’s not my bag so I’ve never had a need for one, which led me to packing the Mr Limpy by tucking it into the pocket of my Rodeoh PKG trunks and strapping it into my beloved Kinky Monkey harness like I would with a regular dildo. The Kinky Monkey harness method gave me a waaay more pronounced, almost hair metal style bulge – I mentioned the whole being dragged down by its own weight thing earlier, and this was a fair bit of hassle using this method because the packy would slowly slither through the o-ring, octopus-through-a-hole style, and eventually attempt to make a mad bid for freedom. I fixed it by using a smaller o-ring and making sure it was well and truly stuffed between my legs or down one thigh, but I’m not sure I’d rec this overall.
The Rodeoh PKG method gave me a more subtle look, as tucking it into the pocket behind the O-ring meant that it wasn’t stretched out like it was in the harness, and I felt like there was less risk of damage as the PKG harness is all stretchy cotton with no straps or o-rings to get stuck in. Having said that, I could only just fit it into the little packy pocket – unless having a larger piece of pipe is like, an integral part of your identity, I’d seriously consider going for an x-small or small Mr Limpy because all the issues I’ve had with this one are down to how fuckin meaty it is.
There are a couple of downsides that aren’t related to the size – you can’t get an uncircumcised one which is sort of odd because being circumcised is pretty unusual over here but this seems to be an industry-wide thing, and the only colour option available is a pale peach, which is really disappointing and yet another inexplicable industry-wide thing. To their credit, Uberkinky do stock a few other packers in darker skintones and a solitary uncircumcised one, but none of them are quite as affordable –
- New York Toy Collective Shilo Pack & Play – £99.99
- New York Toy Collective Pierre – £53.99
- Vixen Creations Mr Right – £49.99
- New York Toy Collective Archer – £40.99
- Doc Johnson Pack It Packer – £27.99
- Mr Fenis STP – £24.99
The other downside is one you’re going to roll your eyes at, but I couldn’t resist: Mr Limpy is not a good fuck. It just doesn’t work. Too squishy, too supple, not a jot of rigidity. I can’t say I’m disappointed by this as it’s a given, it’s plain not designed for it, but as someone whose dream silicone firmness is around the pliability of a semi-hard penis…I kind of had to try it out. On a side note – Fleshlight’s real feel superskin material is porous, so not suitable for sharing. Sorry folks.
Poor colour choices and whiskey dick aside, the Mr Limpy medium packy is a pretty great standard packer on the larger side for £10.99. It’s highly detailed with a delicate frenulum, veins and fine texture throughout, the weight feels realistic and while I didn’t find it the easiest to wear in a leather harness, it didn’t feel clammy or too hot against my skin like I expected it to. It cleans up easily with a gentle cleanser and running water, it doesn’t even pick up that much dust, and I plan on trying to convert it into a STP device at some point in the future…it doesn’t seem too difficult, but they’re inexpensive enough that I can get another if I accidentally eviscerate it. Overall? Not bad! A solid B-, I’d say.
Thanks to Uberkinky for sending me one of these floppy delights! You can buy the Mr Limpy fleshtone packer from them for £8.99 – £11.99 depending on size, and make sure to check out their other packers if you’re not sure this one is right for you.