The Miss Bi is a cute lil thing – short and squat with four inches of length (that’s it. like. it’s so short, I love it) and five inches of girth and looking a bit like an imac fucked a sea slug, it’s eminently adorable. It’s also the best dual stim toy I’ve ever tried. Remember way back when in my review of the Tiger G5 where I lamented that it didn’t quite knock the Ina Wave off the top spot? This one’s done it. I didn’t even need to wrangle my ankles behind my ears or anything! It just works.
I’m sure people are rolling their eyes right now and yeah, it doesn’t look like much of a showstopper – in fact, it looks like it shouldn’t work at all, and when Fun Factory sent me it I felt a little ‘oh no’ twinge in my ribcage. Oh god. Why is it wider at the base than the tip? Why is it so short? Fun Factory, what are you doing? Is this the beginning of the end? Needn’t have worried, though – the thing’s like a silicone love letter to my masochistic downstairs.
I don’t talk about the practical bits of vibrators enough, really, and I don’t do it because a) it’s boring and b) I have a short attention span, so I’ll get this over with quickly: the Miss Bi (like basically every Fun Factory toy I own) is well-designed and I find it intuitive and easy to use with the firm, clicky buttons, dedicated on/off switch and lil finger loop. The click-n-charge charging system means that you can plug it into any USB port or adaptor and charge it like that, with mine taking a little bit longer if it’s plugged into my laptop’s USB port than a mains connected adaptor, and it has a travel lock function (YES!) that’s activated by holding down the FUN button and the small button for a few seconds and unlocked basically the same way but with the larger button. Easy peasy, I promise.
The vibrations from the Miss Bi are similar to the ones on the Tiger G5 but maaaaybe a tad buzzier, especially on the myriad of synthpop patterns (that I admire but never, ever, use). They’re powerful, delightfully thuddy and I’m not sure if it’s the crab claw shape or the vibrations themselves but they do actually feel like they’re travelling inwards and stimulating all of those nice internal bits that get neglected by whinier vibes. I love love love the broadness of the external arm – it’s an entire 2 inches across!! – and the proximity to the internal shaft; broad stimulation and applying firm, rolling pressure are basically my masturbatory trademarks and I’m not a fan of dual stim vibes where the external arm is like, this super long skinny finger shape or my least favourite, the dreaded flicky ears (hi Happy Rabbits, you festering clit slappers) and this is fucking grand. It’s like they designed this one especially for me, I swear.
The Miss Bi doesn’t do very much at all in terms of g-spot stimulation, which is no great surprise looking at the curvy but not particularly upward facing shape. Instead, I get an intense feeling of fullness and pressure ranging from two-fingers-gentle to TOO MUCH, ABANDON MISSION depending on how I’m angling it. The lack of taper towards the base causes a stretching sensation that I’m not usually a fan of, but in this scenario it feels fucking fantastic and the Miss Bi utilises all these things to brilliant effect – rumbly vibrations everywhere, a distinct feeling of being filled up and the wide, flat external arm pressing firmly down – and essentially forces an orgasm out of me and leaves me all sweaty and panting every single time. Those are the kinds of overwhelming orgasms I love, and this is why I can overlook the not-inconsiderable downsides.
Despite being described as being ‘powerful yet quiet’ on Fun Factory’s website, my Miss Bi sounds almost exactly like a hairdryer on low; it’s unusually loud and I feel self-concious using it even with the door shut and fortifying my pelvis with multiple blankets/cushions/everything soft and drapeable within arm’s reach. This realllllllllllly sucks because I love it and I want to use it basically all the time, but it’s also sort of a good thing because I’d get nothing done otherwise. The only reason I’m even working on this paragraph right now is because it’s out of charge.
Another negative is that the Miss Bi frequently leaves me feeling sore. I know this sounds dismissive and I’m sure some of you are reading this right now like “uhhhhh, I think that’s a pretty major downside, maybe you should reconsider your rave review?” and yes, you’re right! Totally! Buuut it’s also something I’ve come to accept whenever I review a new Fun Factory toy. It’s the killer combination of that draggy, matte silicone (I always use Sliquid Sassy or Yes oil-based with my Fun Factory toys as it’s they’re the most cushion-y ones I’ve found) plus the all the girth resting right at the entrance to my vagina, which is incredibly sensitive. Ultimately, it’s up to you whether this is something you can handle or not – vaginal sex and fingering often leave me feeling the same kinda way and maybe I just have a super emo cunt, but if you know you dislike girth around your vaginal opening and/or silicone that isn’t satin smooth, then I’d perhaps give this one a miss.
As fond as I am of the Miss Bi, I’m iffy saying that I’d outright recommend this just because it seems a bit…niche? Is that the right word? I definitely wouldn’t rec it as Your First Vibrator™ or something to go for if you’re new-ish to getting off; however, if you know what you like and that happens to be some combination of feeling full, lovely external pressure, thuddy vibrations and not a whole lot of length, then I will point you in the directions of the links below and feverishly hope that it works for you as well as it works for me.