Like a year ago I had a conversation with a friend that was essentially me trying to justify getting a tattoo of a hitachi despite not having a hitachi and I was swiftly and sensibly shot down but GUESS WHAT? I’VE GOT ONE NOW. I can do it! And I will do it, because I love this ugly piece of sex iconography more than nearly anything else I’ve immortalised on my skin.
The original hitachi is a piece of classic americana – it ranks up there with double cheeseburgers, picket fences and our lady Anna Nicole. The internet is inundated with the fucking thing: ask ‘I want a vibrator. what should I buy?’ on near enough any corner of the internet and you’ll get at least three responses citing the magic wand as literally the only solution to your plight. Go hitachi or go home, apparently. Of course I wanted one, but they’re no longer available in the UK so I just had to sulk and suffer and only occasionally debate the pros and cons of buying an almost-definitely-fake on ebay until the unthinkable happened: Vibratex announced that the original had undergone a series of fancy upgrades. It was rechargeable. It’s compatible with 240v. It can be used in the UK.
Obviously the first thing I did was stick this on my wishlist and hoped and prayed that someone would take pity on me and send me one. This didn’t happen. What DID happen was I snagged one in Tantus’ black friday sale, and mere minutes after it arrived on my doorstep (ten-to-fourtneen business days later and a lengthy stop at customs) was jam that sucker between my thighs and wait for the vibrations that’d make me come like a steam train, the raw power that made sure that the magic wand held a comfortable vice-grip on the sex toy industry for years. Everything was fantastic. Until it shut off.
After some frantic googling (I could’ve just read the leaflet that comes with it but…idk millennials or something instant gratification BUZZWORDS) I found out that it shuts off after 20 minutes of use. This is daft. This is really, really daft and I hate it and I know they’re doing it to prevent overheating but like, this thing has not overheated once in my possession. I do not like this feature. 0/10, Vibratex.
The other changes aren’t so blatantly insulting. A sleek white silicone head has replaced the porous spongy version, and while the new head isn’t particularly soft – think squeezing a giant elastic band ball or a Tantus Cush, if you have one – it’s suuuper smooooooth and just cushion-y enough to apply firm pressure with without leaving sore spots. Normally I only use lube for butt stuff and internal toys and never ever for regular clit stuff, but the magic wand vibrates at such a high speed that it can get a little friction-y (did you wince? I winced) so I’m working myself into the habit of slicking a five pence piece sized glob of my favourite lube over it before gettin down to business.
Another change is the addition of extra speeds and patterns as opposed to the strong/stronger speed settings on the original. I wish I could say I like the patterns but they’ll never be my thing: they’re distracting and I can’t get off aaaand I’m not gonna cover them beyond that because it’s my blog and they bore me stupid and I don’t want to write about something that bores me stupid.
The first speed is my vag’s happy place: I think it’s about as perfect as vibrations get and is the one I stick to 90% of the time. It’s thuddy, feels like it’s vibrating me from the inside out, and is a little too much applied directly to my clit so I usually just squish it against my vulva and grind up against it. The second and third speeds are pitched higher and harder,. Also, I’m officially deeming this a house-share friendly vibrator because by some miracle it’s…quiet? How? I don’t know, but it is. The second and third speeds produce more of a high-pitched buzz than the first speed’s steady thrumming, but the noise doesn’t travel through walls or doors (!!!) and is easily covered by traffic noise. I cannot say the same for the finale.
The fourth and final speed is impressively strong and I finally understand all the hype around the hitachi and why this ugly old white thing seems to have such a white-knuckled grasp on the US of A: it might sound more than a little bit like a food processor but the payoff is worth it if you want to be reduced to a pile of slippery mulch. It’s higher pitched but more powerful than the top speed on my Lelo Smart Wand, bitch whiny, is the only speed that rattles my arms, numbs me silly if I don’t apply firm amounts of pressure – in which case it essentially steals my orgasms from me – and to be honest I don’t use it all that often but if you’re the sort to flick everything up to high straight from the get go then have fun buzzing yourself into a damp oblivion, I guess. Go forth and prosper, young sailor, you’re a braver soul than I.
Finally, I wrote a long spiel on how to use the hitachi in the uk when I bought this but it was way too involved and I know none of you can read properly so here is your condensed guide –
- some retailers will only sell the magic wand rechargeable (in the case of the original hitachi this seems to be all retailers, maybe due to it only taking a piddly 110v as opposed to the rechargeable’s 240v capabilities) to people living in the US. Tantus, Lovehoney and Shevibe will ship abroad, and Lovehoney have the cheapest shipping.
- you need to buy an adaptor to charge it with unless you have one of those little shaver plug things in your bathroom but I mean you’ll need one anyway, nobody wants to use their hitachi exclusively on the shitter/under the sink (do you?)
- customs fees: suck it up and pay it! you’re an adult! sorry! mine slipped through unnoticed when i bought on sale from tantus but I can’t guarantee that yours will do the same.
I hate that I love the rechargeable magic wand as much as I do, but I’ll doubtless it replace again and again and again after looong this one burns out. I’ve barely reached for anything else since I got it, bar the eroscillator, which I’ll be reviewing at some point (spoiler: I really like it but the new yucky purple colour is borderline offensive) and love almost equally. I know it’s not really remotely a power tool but it feels like one: it gets the job done and makes you feel vaguely like a grown up. I’ve finally arrived.
I bought my rechargeable magic wand from Tantus! You can also snag one from the following retailers: