Review – We-Vibe Tango Pleasure Mates Collection

wevibepleasuremates

As I write this now, slouching crosslegged on top of my bed in a pair of waist-high cotton pants and one sock, laptop glow lighting up my greasy face – there’s a mirror opposite my bed, see, most of the time it’s put to good use but in sweaty sticky summery times like this I wish I could like, shift it with my mind, Matilda it across the room – the two little silicone attachments from this kit are sitting beneath me, stuck at the bottom of the sex toy drawer under the bed. The last time I touched them was yesterday, taking pictures and returning them to their shoebox and the time before that was when I reorganised the mess in that drawer, fished them out of their bag, slotted them into a box, tucked it all away under more important things.

What I’m trying to say is that they don’t get used. Which is fucked, because they’re affiliated with THE WE-VIBE TANGO and the We-Vibe Tango is in a class of its own.

The Tango’s widely regarded as the most powerful bullet vibrator currently on the market, and all that power comes in a smartly-designed, standard sized piece of plastic that can be switched in and out of damn near every harness and dildo base designed to hold one. I need to get around to finishing my full-length Tango review but spoiler, I guess – I love it. It is unmatched. It can feel it in my teeth. And because of all that power I barely use it directly and instead joined the legions of people preferring to stuff it into the bullet holes of everything they own with wild abandon. Other bullets are a waste of time when you have a Tango! Anyway, We-Vibe must’ve caught on to this and behold: the We-Vibe Pleasure Mates Collection, replete with a white Tango and silky silicone attachments.

Alas.

The dusk was the biggest letdown for me, which really threw me when I realised because I had genuinely expected to love it. Like, it has that lollipop-y shape I love + I get to put the Tango in my butt now! = happy sparkles forever, right? It just didn’t work out and it made me feel like I didn’t know my own body anymore (which, to be fair, is a very common reoccurance but it never gets any less unpleasant).

glowanddusk

Instead of being the vibrating anal powerhouse that I expected, the dusk was underwhelming; at 3.5 inches around it wasn’t girthy enough for me to get any real satisfaction out of it, and the vibrations didn’t travel into the bulk of it like I’d hoped. Instead, it felt like I was having my perineum and outer labia aggressively tickled. Bored of this futile exercise, I went and tried sticking it in my vag a couple of times like it was the bastard child of a kegel exerciser and a buttplug and while it was nice enough it wasn’t anything mind-blowing; it didn’t take long before I went numb from the vibrations being that close to my clit without moving around (kegel muscle twitches don’t cut it, I need a continuous circling thing going on to not lose all feeling in my cunt) and it was just sort of…there. No fireworks. Not much of anything.

The glow’s better but still not quite good enough for me to recommend dropping $60 for one or just over £100 for the whole shebang. I like the shape, it’s similar to a downsized Lelo Ella (5 inches long, 4.5 inches around) and the deeply curved tip hits my g-spot with minimal effort and I can stick my finger in the hole in the end and essentially flick myself to orgasm BUT the vibrations from the Tango feel tinny and echo-y (how?) and I don’t know, I hate to do this but like, I already have a Lelo Ella which is basically the same thing minus the finger/bullet hole. If I didn’t have one I’d probably be more impressed, but the Ella’s cheaper by about $20 than the glow attachment and you can’t even buy a glow singly in the UK. The vibrations aren’t worth it, man.

It reallllly sucks having to write a review like this for a brand that otherwise consistently churns out solid gold (except for the Thrill, remember the Thrill?), and while I’ll continue to stick my Tango in everything that can handle it I’m pretty sure the glow & dusk are set to live out the rest of their lives in the darkness at the bottom of my bedframe. Bummer.

The nice folks at We-Vibe sent me the pleasure mates set as part of a very nice review package forever ago and I’d like to apologise to them publicly for reviewing this so late! Sorry guys. You can get your own kit from any of the following retailers –

Shevibe (US, intl) | Simply Pleasure (UK) | Good Vibrations (US)

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