I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned the glory that is the We-Vibe Touch in nearly every post I’ve written and normally I’d apologise for this blatant vibrator propaganda but in this case – nope, I’m not going to. The Touch is one of the greatest things I have ever put on my clitoris. It’s my Best I Ever Had, it’s my comfort blanket, it’s what I turn to when nothing else works. I’m so deeply enamoured with it that I’m debating getting it tattooed, or maybe making a tiny twin pair out of clay and attaching them to cufflinks.
I love this weird purple potato.
Despite looking like a cross between a rutabaga and a pebble, the Touch is surprisingly tactile, fitting perfectly into the palm of my hand with its silky smooth silicone. This is a vast improvement on the shiny lint cult stuff on the first version, although now it only comes in purple which is a shame because the teal and ruby versions of the original were beyond gorgeous. The controls are easy to access with a button located at the base – just keep clicking to scroll through the modes, going from a low purr to THERE’S AN EARTHQUAKE IN MY PANTS and then through the patterns, including the only pattern to ever make me cum – the waaaAAAaaave. In addition to all of this, it also has a delightful little thumb-sized dent up top. This dent is what cemented it as my all-time favourite external vibe because it lets you cuddle your clit with it, wrap a soothing, vibrating blanket around its metaphorical shoulders.
I’m sorry. I hate me. But that little dent is what makes the Touch so fan-fucking-tastic – I don’t like pinpoint vibration (although if that’s your thing you can utilise the small, tapered tip to your advantage) and struggle using the small surface area of the Tango directly, but the rumbly, surround sound vibration the Touch provides is stellar. It’s ergonomic! It’s intensely powerful! It’s quiet! It fits like it was sculpted especially for me! It makes for an easy wank – Clamp-‘N-Go! I was genuinely frightened it might put all my other external toys into early retirement when I got my hands on it and for the first few days it did. Until it died.
While the charging base has been changed around a little, now charging via USB and with ever-so-slightly more secure magnets on the bottom, they’re still not strong enough for me to charge it up to full without it losing the connection at least once. This is mildly irritating at best and infuriating at worst, and I’ve given up on ever using it from full again at this point. This also means that the new ‘low battery’ alert, a flashing orange light, is now a permanent room fixture. Mine’s been flashing for like a week now.
This isn’t an uncommon flaw; it’s nothing compared to the Tango horror stories I’ve heard (cracking open down the middle! dying at random!) but it’s enough to make me wary and I’ve kept the box with all the details and made sure to register it on the We-Vibe website just in case one day it doesn’t turn on or can’t hold a charge.
Despite the dodgy charging system and the risk of imminent death…whenever, basically, I wouldn’t trade it in for anything. It covers every base for me – it doesn’t emit a horrible wheedling buzz, the dent the dent the dent the dent 4eva, excellent rumbly vibrations, there’s the option for pinpoint stimulation if I need it, and it’s flat enough to not be invasive during sex. It’s the reason the ‘queen of my world’ tag was created.
Christ, I love this thing. I’m just sorry I didn’t post this on valentine’s day.
The lovely folks over at We-Vibe were kind enough to send me the Touch to review! You can snag your own from –