I feel like the Mona 2’s that one person everyone likes but me. Everyone’s like, ‘oh, but they’re so funny, and they have great taste in films, they’re a really good time!’ but they set me on edge every time I see them. I’ve tried to like them, I really have, but their annoying horsey laugh and overly physical tendencies are too much for me.
In real life, the Mona 2 is not an exceptionally irritating space invader with an unfortunate cackle, it’s a g-spot vibrator. A quiet, rechargeable g-spot vibrator made out of magical lint-repelling silicone with rumbly vibrations and a curvy swervy shape and oh my god it comes in red! – but still, I’m profoundly underwhelmed. I think I might be allergic to it. Lelo Smart Wand
To get right to the point – it just doesn’t agree with me internally. I’ve got it stuck inside me multiple times (this happens with the Ina Wave and njoy pure wand too but I actually like those so I’ll suck it up and deal with it), it hurts to insert, it hurts to remove, it hurts while it’s just hanging out in there. Everything hurrrrrts. The vibrations are strong but get progressively more high-pitched as you amp up the power; anything but the lowest speeds make my cunt feel all pins and needles-y. Let us not speak of the patterns.
Narrow down the issues
I’ve tried to narrow down the issues I’m having with it so I can be like, ‘ah, it’d be fine if this wasn’t there’ but literally everything is wrong. It’s too long and the pointy tip jabs me in the cervix – I’m not a fan of anything touching me there even gently, let alone a sharp poke – and the bulge that’s intended for g-spot stimulation scrapes on withdrawal. It frequently gets stuck. The vibrations give me weird electra-vag feelings. At least it’s reasonably quiet?
Clitorally…it’s okay? I guess? I don’t actually use external vibes that much because I can barely ever find the combination of softness + weird shape + powerrr that works best for me (shoutout to We-Vibe for producing the almost-perfect Touch, which is my favourite clit vibe of all time) and the Mona 2 only has one point going for it – power. It’s strong enough to get me off but it’s too big, too unwieldy, and too firm, and the okay-ish orgasms aren’t worth the wrangling, frankly. Lelo Mia 2 review
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