The 10 Most Ridiculous Food + Sex Tips From Women’s Magazines

Because sex tips don’t just grow on trees, women’s magazines exist to help you spice up your love life. Well, maybe not yours, because you probably bone all the time and are super hot, but the rest of America needs these tips to keep things fun. And while sex doesn’t especially need food to be exciting, these magazines demand you bring the contents of your refrigerator into the bedroom. Here are the unsexiest examples of that.

Champagne and nipple play

“Celebrate—and titillate—with some bubbly. Take a sip from an icy-cold glass of champers, then roll your tongue and lips over his nipples. The cold restricts his capillaries and leads to sinful sensations.” –
Restrict his capillaries too much, and he’ll die. Congrats, you’re a murderer. A murderer who’s really good at sex!!!

Chocolate sauce in bed

“Bring chocolate sauce to bed. Dribble it any body you need him to pay more attention in order to orgasm.” –
Did the person who wrote this have their capillaries restricted too much? Because this makes no sense. Or is this for an orgy, and you’re supposed to draw the guy’s attention away from yourself and towards other… bodies.

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