I remember feeling extremely cool in 7th grade sitting with my friends with a copy of Cosmo. It had “SEX” written all over it, and we would read the sex tips in earnest, feeling v edgy and like strong, powerful women, despite our training bras. Thankfully, we weren’t actually having sex, because some of the tips that Cosmo insisted will make you a sex goddess are fucking crazy. And would most definitely traumatize teenage boys. And the majority of grown men. And really anyone with a beating heart and/or conscience. Here are some of the worst Cosmo sex tips of all time that you should definitely not do.
“An ex once came to bed in a soaking wet white tee shirt. The sight was jaw-dropping.” –Nick, 30
More jaw-dropping than actually just seeing your gf’s breasts? Really, Nick? Are you sure you’re not 15?
Nick, probably: It was like I could almost see nipples.
In addition to being cold and uncomfortable, there’s nothing like getting all the sheets damp and fucked up because of your at-home wet T-shirt contest. Is it 1996? Are we on MTV’s Spring Break? WTF, Nick. I would be so pissed if someone put a soaking wet T-shirt into my perfectly made bed. And I’m the kind of psycho that is constantly eating in my bed. This is still too far.
“Make two fists around his shaft and twist them in opposite directions as fast as you can.”
The image of girls doing this to unwitting teenage boys thinking it is sexy is absolutely fucking hilarious. Do not do this. This sounds like it would hurt a lot. And he would definitely think you are NOT a wanton sex goddess. If anything, this sounds like great self-defense advice. Also? I’m pretty sure this technique was banned as inhumane torture, and I don’t even think they did it to penises.
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