Review: The Crash Pad Guide to Fisting

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So. I won a two-month subscription to Crash Pad Series through the lovely Aerie’s Room, and I’ve quickly become a huge fan of it – it’s like my third most visited website, which is pretty impressive considering I’m someone who’s never been into watching porn until really recently. They’ve made an educational porn film called the Crash Pad Guide to Fisting, and it’s super hot, super funny, and stars a ton of absolute babes, including: Lorelei Lee, Beretta James, Mariah Cherry, Maybelline, Jacqueline Woods, Stefani Special, Red Jackhammer, and Javier. I’m imploring you to go and buy a subscription right this minute, and watch this, and support Crash Pad so they can make more films like this, because it is GLORIOUS.

It’s a believable concept – it opens with Lorelei Lee (all eager smiles, platinum plaits and sparkling pearly teeth) sitting down and showing Beretta James (silky dark hair, killer eyebrows and a very spoonable butt) some fisting scenes from Crash Pad as a combination of inspiration and education. It’s something I’ve done before with my partners – ‘look at this, look how cute they are! Have we got one of those? Do you think we can do this sometime?’ They giggle together, and Lorelei assures Beretta that it won’t hurt her as long as they do it right and go slowly.

The first scene she shows Beretta is one between Maybelline and Mariah Cherry, which is my second favourite Crash Pad scene of all time – if you’re not familiar with it, go watch it, it’s got sticky marshmallows and trashy magazines and fluffy pink nightgowns and super cute femmes doing super dirty things to each other, it’s kind of like a John Waters short film but with more fisting – and a fragment of a scene starring Jacqueline Woods giving off some serious disdainful Goddess vibes while she fists and spanks the adorable Stefani Special.

CrashpadSeries_Lorelei_Beretta_0S3A8042The main focus of the film is on front hole fisting, but after being shown the Stefani/Jacqueline scene, Beretta exclaims, ‘oh my god! that’s her ass!’ to which Lorelei responds with, ‘yeah! the wedge works for the ass too’, and this leads to some great, relatable communication between the two of them, featuring example hand motions and Lorelei showing Beretta ‘just one more’ scene, this time between Red Jackhammer and Javier. She’s really done her research, has Lorelei.

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