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Review – the Fun Factory Boosty


I’m a big fan of Fun Factory; their silicone can feel draggy and almost powdery at times, but I have to admire the company who came up with Flexi Felix, the caterpillar who feels most at home in your anal cavity, and who consistently make body-safe products in eye-searing shades of orange, blue, red, and green in addition to the industry standards of cerise, purple or baby pink. The Boosty’s the first butt toy I’ve tried from them – I’ve been told that the Bootie is the original, and the one I should’ve tried out first, but it sold out before I could get to it.

The Boosty is available in a choice of aquarium pebble turquoise and petrol black, and comes in sturdy, non-gendered packaging with a drawing of a butt on. The Boosty is the most girthy plug I currently own, with three irregularly stacked bulbs of slightly different circumferences; the top bulb measures just under 4 inches around, the middle being the thickest with exactly 5 inches of girth, and the bottom bulb measuring just under 5 inches. The stem thins out considerably to 1.5 inches of both girth and length, with the base being 3.5 inches long. The base-to-neck ratio is perfect, actually, it ensures that the whole things stays put and feels completely secure, no matter how overenthusiastic (there’s no such thing! use all the lube! all of it! squeeze that bottle until it squeaks!) you may have been with your lube application.

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Review: The Crash Pad Guide to Fisting


So. I won a two-month subscription to Crash Pad Series through the lovely Aerie’s Room, and I’ve quickly become a huge fan of it – it’s like my third most visited website, which is pretty impressive considering I’m someone who’s never been into watching porn until really recently. They’ve made an educational porn film called the Crash Pad Guide to Fisting, and it’s super hot, super funny, and stars a ton of absolute babes, including: Lorelei Lee, Beretta James, Mariah Cherry, Maybelline, Jacqueline Woods, Stefani Special, Red Jackhammer, and Javier. I’m imploring you to go and buy a subscription right this minute, and watch this, and support Crash Pad so they can make more films like this, because it is GLORIOUS.

It’s a believable concept – it opens with Lorelei Lee (all eager smiles, platinum plaits and sparkling pearly teeth) sitting down and showing Beretta James (silky dark hair, killer eyebrows and a very spoonable butt) some fisting scenes from Crash Pad as a combination of inspiration and education. It’s something I’ve done before with my partners – ‘look at this, look how cute they are! Have we got one of those? Do you think we can do this sometime?’ They giggle together, and Lorelei assures Beretta that it won’t hurt her as long as they do it right and go slowly.

The first scene she shows Beretta is one between Maybelline and Mariah Cherry, which is my second favourite Crash Pad scene of all time – if you’re not familiar with it, go watch it, it’s got sticky marshmallows and trashy magazines and fluffy pink nightgowns and super cute femmes doing super dirty things to each other, it’s kind of like a John Waters short film but with more fisting – and a fragment of a scene starring Jacqueline Woods giving off some serious disdainful Goddess vibes while she fists and spanks the adorable Stefani Special.

CrashpadSeries_Lorelei_Beretta_0S3A8042The main focus of the film is on front hole fisting, but after being shown the Stefani/Jacqueline scene, Beretta exclaims, ‘oh my god! that’s her ass!’ to which Lorelei responds with, ‘yeah! the wedge works for the ass too’, and this leads to some great, relatable communication between the two of them, featuring example hand motions and Lorelei showing Beretta ‘just one more’ scene, this time between Red Jackhammer and Javier. She’s really done her research, has Lorelei.

Like all of the Crash Pad films I’ve seen so far (I haven’t watched every single one in their vast compendium but you bet I’m working on it), it actively showcases safe sex. Beretta dons a pair of electric blue latex gloves before she fingers Lorelei, and the Hitachi magic wand, which makes an appearance about midway through the film, has a condom rolled over the plush-but-porous head. Copious amounts of what I think is Gun Oil is used throughout the scene, communication between the two performers is frequent and they both check in on each other regularly.

The active communication is probably what makes this scene as useful as it is, and it’s a big part of why I like it so much – in the first part of the film, Beretta expresses her worries about ‘not doing it right’ and Lorelei reassures and comforts her. About 15 minutes in, Lorelei tells Beretta ‘not just yet, let’s do something else for a bit’, they laugh, kiss, Beretta removes herself (literally) from Lorelei and they get down to doing something else. Consent isn’t taken for granted in this film, which makes me unbelievably happy, and there’s a continuous dialogue between the two of them; not just verbal, but through the use of body language and eye contact too. It’s not stilted, there’s no vibe of ‘we’ve done this, so we’ll do this now’, you don’t feel like they’re just ticking off sex acts until they’ve orgasmed. It’s very passionate and enthusiastic – there’s a ton of making out, oral sex, nipple play, face stroking, giggling, dirty talk, a huge focus on mutual pleasure, and it progresses and ends organically. 


I feel all kinds of good ways about the Crash Pad Guide to Fisting. It’s an honest film. It’s sweet, it’s funny, it’s super hot, it’s informative, it has a nice visual summary at the end of the scene and a hilarious ending (‘I had some ideas’), and it has the same effect on me that the vast majority of Crash Pad videos do; it turns me on but it makes me happy, too – really, genuinely happy. Because it means that there are people out there who look like me, and they identify like me, and they have bodies like me and they fuck like me and they exist! It’s incredibly validating, and it means that I’m not alone – something that’s important beyond measure. And you know what else? It made me wanna get fisted. Let’s do this.

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Tantus Pelt silicone paddle review

peltThe Pelt paddle is gorgeous. A smooth curve of charcoal silicone, it looks unassuming but packs a punch that’s unlike anything I’ve felt before. It’s in a league of it’s own, that’s for sure.

The Pelt paddle – made and designed by all-American brand Tantus – is made from a silky smooth matte black silicone that attracts little bits of fluff like nothing else, but I find it easier to clean than my shinier, grippier silicone toys; a lot of the time I just spray this with Lelo cleaner and wipe it down – and you can bleach it, boil it, and stick it in the dishwasher. It’s basically indestructible – I’ve even bitten it a few times (don’t look at me like that) and didn’t leave any dents behind.

It measures just under twelve inches long, six inches of that being the handle, with a little hole at the very end which you can use to loop a ribbon or a nylon string through and keep it hung up with, or I guess you could loop something through it to use as one of those secure wrist loops. Does anyone actually use those things? 

I’m not very well versed in ~kinky terminology~ and I’m not in any kind of scene, all I know is I really love impact play, being bruised, and being hit. I started out with wooden hairbrushes and eventually graduated up through various leather and suede paddles, I’ve had some brief experiences with crops and floggers – crops are pretty fun, I haven’t found a flogger I’ve liked yet, never tried a bullwhip but I want to – but wooden oval paddles (and hands) have always been my favourite. The Pelt pretty much blows everything I just listed out of the water.

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A Touch of Glass Double-O glass dildo review

swirlynewI was mainly attracted to the Double-O because of the colour. It’s a beautiful rich bottle green and when you hold it up to the sunshine it almost shimmers, it projects streams of lime green light onto the walls and if there were a way to keep it suspended in mid-air, like a classy version of one of those very early 2000’s hanging decorations that all my friends had stuck to their bedroom ceilings – I was jaw-clenchingly jealous of everyone who had those because my mum wouldn’t let me ‘wreck our house for the sake of a glitterball’ – GOD, mum – or maybe keep it perched regally on two tall pillars of glass? Pyrex? I would.

Unfortunately, I’m not clever enough to make either of those wildly impractical things so I just have to keep it in the lovely teal storage bag it came with. I can’t stress enough how ENTHUSED I am about it coming with a storage bag. I’m so over having to buy my own bags for things.

The Double-O is fairly slim, and measures just shy of 8 inches long. It’s got a distinct bend to it, each textured half curves upwards and with the bulbous ends it’s no surprise that it’s marketed mainly as a g-spot stimulator. The two textures each provide different sensations – one side has large, evenly spaced bumps, and the other a long, slender swirl. I’m not going to say it’s butt safe because it doesn’t have a flared base – I guess you could count the opposing bulb as a barrier of some kind, but I wouldn’t risk it. We all know how I feel about buttholes.

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Review – Julian Snelling small steel Rosebud plug


I’ve wanted a princess plug for years. It’s like a fixation. I’ve been looking for an affordable option for what seems like forever and who’d have thought? I stumbled onto the Rosebud’s website (did you know that their range was so vast? because I didn’t) and guess who was having a sale! Within 5 days of picking out my colour and paying that €21,50 + €9 shipping from France, a brown cardboard box landed on my doormat.

My plug came in a tiny little velvet bag, which I have of course managed to break the drawstring on and cover in miscellaneous fluff in the month or so I’ve had it. The plug itself is TEENY. I know this is the ‘small’ version (from what I can gather, Rosebud plugs come in four sizes- small, large, XL and XXL) but this is truly pocket size. It’s shorter than a lipbalm tube, has a reassuring weight to it, and while being smaller than I thought it was, it’s my favourite shape for a plug to be, with an almost lollipop-like bulb, a tapered tip, a long skinny neck and a flared base.

I’ve never actually lost something up my butt, but I’ve read enough cautionary tales and had enough gruesome stories told to me by a pal who’s training to be a nurse to be extra super cautious; I pretty much view buttholes as distant, organic relatives of vacuum cleaners at this point.

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