apricot creams sex toy reviews | i like fruit & fake dicks

The Mustang by Vixen Creations is my first ever ‘realistic’ – super gross phrasing, by the way, like a dick is only a ‘real’ dick if it looks a certain way – dildo and I luuuuuuv it. It’s soft and squishy and bendy and it absorbs body heat and uh, it had this kind of amazing slightly apple-y smell when I took it out of the clear tube it came in. It’s not too long (this is important, because I have a short vag) and not too thick (also very important), harness compatible, it sticks to my bathroom wall, it’s butt-safe, and it’s NEON TIE-DYE. I could probably end this review right here.

Biodick-lookin dildos gross me out, I’m not gonna lie. They veer into uncanny valley territory for me personally, and while I’m all about the concept of having several disembodied dicks adorning your furniture like you’re living in some kind of seventies Hammer Horror maneating ladies-and-succubi-only cave, the reality just doesn’t appeal. The veins are either too delicate and thread-like and reminiscent of a recently skinned chicken, or too chunky and cartoonish. The heads are creepy and nearly always circumcised – my male partner is the only circumcised dude I’ve ever slept with and I still sometimes get confused! Balls frankly frighten me and the weird approximations of ‘flesh’ tones that you generally get make my skin crawl, usually either a sickly pale salmon or a generic orangey tan. But this. This is TIE-DYE. The colour scheme and the supersoft, super forgiving silicone puts a lovely blanket over all the things I hate about biodick-dildos and makes them more than tolerable. I now actively like all of these features. See? I could’ve said ‘flaws’ there, and I didn’t.

First off – specifics. The Mustang is 8 inches long, including the base, with a fairly prominent curve and it measures 4.5 inches in circumference. It has a faint veined texture on the shaft, and two ridges at the top. It’s 100% silicone, so always use this with water based lube – no hybrids, no silicone lube – and the base means it’s good for use in a harness AND it’s butt safe. The silicone is dual-density, which means it has this amaaaaazing plush outerlayer and a slightly firmer inner ‘core’…so a little bit like the dildo equivalent one of those ridiculous new Ben & Jerrys core ice creams, but in reverse and infinitely better. When I first got it I was initially intimidated by how defined the ridge on the head is in case it felt huge behind my pubic bone, but the material is really forgiving and gentle. It’s wonderful, girthy enough to give you a full feeling but not so much that you start to feel uncomfortably stretched out – the only thing with it is that it does tend to eat lube up so it’s a good idea to have a bottle of lube on hand in case you start, uh, running dry, as it were.

The dual-density silicone is one of the squishiest, most delightful textures I’ve ever had the pleasure of putting in my various orifices and occasionally snuggling up against and falling asleep with. It feels slightly tacky without (water based!!!) lube on it, it’s got a lot of bend, and a lot of what my girlfriend calls ‘flop factor’, as in, ‘this dick has an extremely high flop factor, I want to bounce it off your face and mouth/vulva’. Having said this, it’s still more than firm enough to fuck yourself or someone else with, the underside is definitely harder than the top of it, which is a plus because this means it still holds its curve well and looks perky and ready for action in a harness, and it doesn’t slip around or bend double onto itself when you’re trying to get it inside your vag. The Mustang lends itself really well to harness use – I know this might sound kind of dumb, like, duh, obviously – but there’s something about it that enables you to really fuck with it. It feels natural. I don’t know what it is, my girlfriend thinks it’s the curve and the flexibility, I think it’s more down to how it holds in heat, whatever it is, it’s great and we sometimes refer to it as ‘the dick’, which is Kind Of A Big Deal.

The Mustang, with a little work, is amazing for my gspot alone. My gspot is pretty shy, I only found it recently and while I can have orgasms just from stimulating it, it takes time, and work, and just banging away at it with a hard object doesn’t do it so much for me. It needs gentle coaxing, which the Mustang does – the ridges on the head almost brush it on the outstroke, and ten minutes of that and I’m drooling all over the pillow. I especially like using it with a clit vibe – the base isn’t so unwieldy that I’m unable to use a vibe and manoeuvre the Mustang the way I want to without getting hand cramp – and pressing the flat edge of my Tango up against the base makes for some pretty interesting sensations too. I’m saying interesting because I don’t really like internal vibrations, but the ones from the Tango end up deadened a little bit and become more of a gently stimulating purr. The head is also amazing for rubbing over my clit, which is my favourite sexy thing in the world, probably, so that’s a huge bonus.

However, this thing collects dust like nothing else. Please don’t ever put it in your mouth after it’s been lying in your bedsheets for a little while. I have a lot of hair, the cats have a lot of hair, this house in general has a lot of things in it that collect a lot of dust - it just seems to attract all of it, somehow, even after you’re done washing it. I think that binning the clear tube and putting it in a generic cloth bag would be a total disaster, which is partly why I haven’t got rid of it – the other reason being that it’s super pretty and I think it deserves to be shown off. The tube doesn’t take up that much room, anyway.

I’m so, so glad I bought this dildo. Thinking about it, I probably wouldn’t have bought the Mustang if it didn’t come in tie-bright (weirdly labelled as ‘blue’ on the Lovehoney website) but the silicone’s so great that I’m willing to try and overcome my irrational fear of flesh tones for a Maverick. Maybe one day. I mean, I’d much rather have the green or another tie-bright if they were miraculously made available again but I’m willing to try, guys, this is a Big Deal for me. If you want a high quality silicone dildo that’s ”’realistic”’ but not eerily so, with almost one-size-fits-all dimensions, I would highly, highly recommend the Mustang. Five stars, round of applause.

I bought my Mustang over at Lovehoney!