Category Archives: reviews

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Review – Fun Factory Share Vibe strapless strap-on


True Life: My Dildo Nearly Turned Me Into A Kind-Of Sort-Of Bad Person.

I’m not kidding. I’m so infatuated with the ShareVibe that when I was offered one by a retailer a few days after I’d been sent this one I had to think twice about it. Would it be ethically iffy to accept it juuust so I could have a backup? Like, I could totally just neglect to mention that I’d already been sent one, right? That’s not lying, that’s…editing. Nobody would know! I could still review it for them!

Anyway. Of course I didn’t accept it because a) that would be horrible b) it wouldn’t be fair on the other needy vagina-havin’ people of this world and c) again, what on earth, that’s a horrible thing to do, I’m not Smaug, but I think that’s a fairly accurate representation of how much I like it and want it in my life forever. Consumed by greed: The ShareVibe story.

The ShareVibe is a brand spankin’ new strapless strap-on from Fun Factory, who already make a few in different sizes – xs, original, xl. It’s slightly different from the original Share in that it’s sleeker and less linear overall with no defined head or ridges on the bulb end, which I much prefer, and three colour choices – an eye-searing neon pink, dark purple or a peachy beige. To me the silicone feels slightly less ‘dry’ and draggy than the kind the original’s sculpted from but I don’t have one to hand to compare so take that with a pinch of salt. The silicone’s supple and bendy but with enough firmness that it doesn’t flip-flop all over the place like a soggy baguette, and the ‘revolutionary’ bullet compartment is tucked neatly away in the back.

Unfortunately, like nearly every Fun Factory product I’ve ever laid my greedy little hands on the ShareVibe attracts dust and lint like nothing else. If there is fuzz, it will find it. If there is pet fur, it will find it. If you leave it next to your comb for too long, it will fashion itself a dramatic cape out of all the hair on there when you’re not looking. Impromptu blowjobs are out of the question with this one – unless you’re in the bath/shower/aquatic environs of your choice.

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Tantus Twist plug review


Jesus christ. How have I managed this? A month without an update on either of my orifices? Aw, christ, I’m sorry, but I’m sure you’ll all be very glad to hear that I’ve just reviewed the Tantus Twist, a silky-smooth chunk of silicone shaped like a screw/Mr Whippy hybrid.

…Except, er, it’s not actually here – it’s a guest post over on the lovely Teal’s blog, who was kind enough to gift it to me, and you should pop on over and read it while you wait for me to get my next post up. Which’ll actually be posted here. Promise.

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Review – Lelo Hula Beads


I think I might be fundamentally missing the point of the Hula Beads.

I’ve never been one for ‘love eggs’. It’s such a married-with-2-kids-and-a-silver-car thing – ‘hubby controlled this egg while we were in Tesco! it was such a turn on! lol!’ and all the ones I’ve experienced so far have been noisy and ugly. The Hula Beads are neither of these things, but they still didn’t work out for me. I’m starting think that I should stick to Lelo’s regular line in future, because me and this Insignia line just aren’t getting along like we’re supposed to.

Even though purple’s my least favourite colour, I’ve got to admit that the Hula Beads are ridiculously gorgeous. I have the deep rose set, and it’s a vampy, rich fuchsia offset by gold accents. I’m a total sucker for Lelo’s silicone; satin-smooth, it feels almost velvety, barely picks up dust, and covers the rigid inner workings with a silky, waterproof shell. They feel reassuringly sleek and weighty, but are let down a little by the highlights, which are disappointingly just gold-painted plastic. C’mon, Lelo – surely the £120 price tag warrants actual metal and not spraypainted ABS?

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Review – SpareParts Hardwear Bella lingerie harness


I think I might be allergic to traditional harnesses.

Like, I get it, I really do – they’re practical, and you can get bigger dicks in them. They don’t slip. Interchangeable O-rings! But they’re strappy and fiddly and I’m conflicted on my leather feelings and I hate g-strings and I don’t think I have enough of an ass to wear a jock style without feeling like Hank Hill and and and…no. Just no. Enter stage – the SpareParts Bella. The femmiest, most Partition video harness I’ve ever laid eyes on.

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Review – Nomi Tang Better Than Chocolate v2


If the Nomi Tang Better Than Chocolate (version 2!) were a girl she’d wear bandage dresses and a lot of Kurt Geiger and have a city boyfriend. She’d have caramel hair, smell like vanilla and Miss Dior, make an effort to drink three litres of water a day and her favourite Naked palette would be the third one. She’d probably have a tattoo of an ampersand or a feather on her inner wrist. Someone well-adjusted and sleek and pretty and smart, someone that I can’t fault because the only things I don’t like are just up to personal preference.

The btc2’s shaped to fit against the human body, almost like a sleeker version of the Layaspot, and made from a buttery smooth pink or plum silicone. There’s a faint seam running around the sides, but I can only feel it with my thumb, and there’s a little tiny hole in the backside where you push in your charging jack. It’s USB rechargeable, waterproof up to a metre, and it also comes in cute packaging, for those of you who are into that. The manual actually asks to ‘please reuse the decorative box by storing nice things inside’. Aww.

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