Mini review – BS atelier tente plug

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This review is a mini-review not because this toy is boring or underwhelming, but because it’s so inoffensive that reviewing it feels like a chore. I have wanted the Tente plug for a very, very long time and now it’s here and it’s just as good as I expected: a great, basic-ish plug. There’s literally nothing I feel uncertain about, no bizarre copy, no awkward media fanfare, no overblown claims or extravagant price point – it’s a good plug. It is a humble plug. I wish there was more BS in the world.

The silicone that BS use is one of my all-time favourites – it has a glossy, vibrant finish, attracts dust like the plague, and is delightfully pliable and soft while still retaining shape and definition. It feels exactly like a block of jelly, and while I don’t think BS Atelier make dual-density toys (in my dreaaaamssss) I’ve recommended their stuff before to people looking for something similar in firmness to Vixskin but with a lower price tag.

I’ve been leering at the Tente from a distance forever, basically, but owned the Capsula first – I had high hopes, but found that the neck was slightly too short and it felt clumsy inside me. The Tente suffers from this too, but it’s not so bad and can be easily overlooked because it’s slimmer and tapered, unlike the thick, pill-shaped Capsula. Speaking of it being slim, at four inches tall and four inches in girth the Tente is one of my smaller plugs and while the size is great for people who’d put themselves firmly in the ‘beginner’ category, I wish it were bigger; the silicone is so gentle that I think I could handle another inch or two or three without much difficulty – who knows? My asshole is magnanimous. It fears nothing but mediocrity.

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I hope that I haven’t led any of you to believe that I’m a tidy person cause that’s like, a flagrant falsehood

The Tente is sort of what I’d imagine a silicone pure plug to feel like – non-intrusive, subtle, and working with my body. Some buttplugs make me acutely aware of their presence because of their size or shape or the media they’re made from and I still get that weird psychological thrill from them, but the Tente isn’t one of them. Instead it just chills out in my butt, not doing anything particularly interesting until I actually want it to; wearing it while I’m getting fucked or fucking myself (the round base is a little awkward but it’s not anything dick-wiltingly bad) or smushing vibrators against my clit, the base, wherever. It upgrades things that were already good to great.

I know this review is short, but I honestly can’t think of anything else to say: the Tente is functionally perfect and while I wish it were bigger, I don’t have a single complaint. It comes in pretty colours, it’s body-safe both in the sense that it’s made from some fantastic silicone (this is an icky jelly rubber free zone, in case you hadn’t noticed) and in the sense that there’s no risk of the whole shebang sliding up into your actual anal cavity courtesy of that big ol’ base, it’s well-proportioned and importantly, it feels good. Like, my main point here is it’s a plain good toy and if you have an asshole that likes stuff in it there’s a decent chance you might like the Tente, too. Have I driven that home yet? I hope so.

I was sent the Tente plug from the nice folks at BS atelier in exchange for a review! You can buy your own directly from their shop, or from Shevibe.

Review – Idée du désir Papillon

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For a good few months now I’ve been fretting about travelling with sex toys. Criteria – I’m only taking hand luggage so it can’t be too big, it can’t be easily mistaken for a weapon (wahhh, sorry pure wand!), and ideally I want it to do EVERYTHING because I don’t want to take more than two smallish ones, except, uh, I like very few toys that try to do everything. My smart wand’s too big and expensive, my ina wave’s too finicky and expensive, my we-vibe touch doesn’t have a travel lock and like, I love tantus to death but a real, proper, actual dildo that looks like a dick isn’t something I want to take through an airport in my bag. I’m an anxious person and I’d just rather not.

Enter the Papillon by Idée du Désir, or one of my chosen travel companions: a glorious, curvy swervy chunk of wood containing a freewheeling steel ball. It’s been designed for simultaneous internal and external stimulation and I guess there’s nothing stopping you from using it as a butt toy, either, but we’ll get to that later.

The Papillon comes in two sizes, but neither of these apply to the insertable portion, which measures a hair under five inches in girth for either size option  – instead, you get to choose how long the handle/external stimulator is. This is pretty great and everything except that they come in s & m, the small being 2 inches long (and apparently for people under 1.7 m) and the medium 2.5 inches long, for people above 1.7m*. I mean. Okay. Like, I’ve seen a lot of vaginas and I realllllly don’t think there’s any correlation to vagina size/shape/proportion and to how long the rest of someone’s body is. Anyway, you can’t not choose so I went for the medium – not because it corresponds with my height, but because I’d rather have something overshoot my clit slightly than sit under it.

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(belated) Stuff I’m Into – July edition

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Remember last month when I was all enthused and rosy-cheeked about my job? Hahahahahahahahhaahahahahaha. Anyway, because I grossly underestimated how much time it takes me to write a post + pictures + all the other stuff, the blog was pretty lacklustre during July and in all honestly it’s probably going to stay like that through this month too. I was doing so well and here I am now, fobbing you off with damp fruit and flowers! Typical.

Having said that, I’ve queued up reviews of the Kinky Monkey holographic harness, the bs atelier Alex and maaaybe some not-review posts. I also ordered the Vixen Gee Whizzard from Shevibe like an hour ago (a princely $22 for uk shipping, which really isn’t too bad) and I’m already verrrry excited – expect me to forget about it until I become suddenly indignant in three weeks time after receiving a customs fee.

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YOU WILL BE MINE unless, of course, you get lost in the vortex that is customs and royal mail’s sorting facilities

Not-so-timely offers:

041208_0341_zpskdogqvv5hey look someone made a cute pixel of me trying to flush my blog down the toilet where it belongs. INTO THE SEWERS.

Review – Fleshlight Mr Limpy packer (medium)

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I’ve mentioned this before, but packing’s not something I’m particularly into. I’ve had a couple of emails asking me if I planned on reviewing any (the Vixen Mr Right is the one I’ve been most commonly asked about) and I’m never sure whether to do it or not because I’m just not that invested in it personally, it’s not a key part of me and I don’t want to accidentally overlook crucial things; as an example, because I favour broad stimulation from external vibrators I tend to forget to mention if a vibrator’s good for pinpoint. I don’t want to do that with something that’s so deeply personal for some people – I get irritated enough when people don’t mention how harnesses perform during, you know, actual fucking.

Anyway. I sort of changed my mind recently – about a week or so ago Uberkinky offered to send me one for review and I took them up on it, figuring that it was worth a try, I’d get to manhandle a lump of squidgy Fleshlight material, and if all else fails I could put googly eyes on it and nail it to my door.

I didn’t specify which size I wanted (lucky dip!) when I asked Uberkinky for one to review and they sent me the medium. The medium’s not realllllly a medium at all – it’s surprisingly hefty and clocks in at at 7 inches in length, 5 inches in girth, and has a pair of joyously saggy wrinkled balls weighing it down. I have an unabashed love for supersized floppy dicks so this is a plus for me, but in more practical terms the x-small or small sizes seem much more suitable for everyday packing. It’s also worth bearing in mind that the material is so soft that it’s totally unable to support itself, which means it gets dragged down by its own weight, stretching out and making it look longer than it actually is. #bigdickproblems

Mr Limpy’s a sensitive soul; made from Fleshlight’s softer-than-marshmallows superskin material it can easily develop nicks through rough or regular handling that can gradually stretch out with further use and render it unusable, unless you’re really into having a moth-eaten dick. I haven’t had mine for very long and it had a couple of tiny rips like icepick scarring after a day or so of enthusiastic handling (read: squishing and flopping and crushing), and these are now becoming more apparent. It’s so hard to stop myself from doing it, though – it’s one of the most soothing things I’ve ever laid my hands on, plus if you squeeze it in your hand super hard it merges to itself and slowly peels apart like one of those alien egg toys you might’ve had as a kid. It’s amazing. And disgusting.

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Review – Crystal Eclipse double ended dildo vs. njoy pure wand

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It’s a pure wand knockoff!

Nah, not really. The Crystal Eclipse double ended glass anal prober – why are these ridiculously convoluted names still A Thing? – is a pretty, lightweight curve of glass with a shape very, very, very similar to the njoy pure wand. I tried to write this review without ever mentioning the pure wand when I first got it like months ago but it was HOPELESS so here we are with a comparison. Hooray!

Stats-wise, the the pure wand weighs a whopping 680g (!!!) with the big bulb measuring 5 inches around and the small 3.2, while the crystal eclipse clocks in at 4 inches around the largest and 3.5 around the small. I didn’t weigh it, but it’s lighter than my iphone. Personally, I still prefer the proportions of the pure wand overall because I like big shiny things in my butt and smaller shiny things in my vag, but the the light weight of the crystal eclipse makes it more user-friendly to people with wrist issues, and I find I don’t need as much warm up.

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