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Mini review – Tantus Clover

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I’m a sucker for pretty things, and that’s basically the entire reason I asked to review the Clover when the superheroes at Tantus got in contact with me. I honestly am working on it, I truly swear that I’m trying really hard to give the things I don’t find that aesthetically pleasing a chance, but my god did it pay off this time. It straight up looks like opalite with glitter threaded through it, that glossy, pastel glass that fades from blue to pink to green and back again when you tilt it – you know those glowy translucent eggs you get in literally every museum shop ever? Those. I about fell over when I took it out of the packaging.

If translucent glittery silicone wasn’t cute enough already, it’s positively pocket sized – the entire thing’s 6 inches long, 4 inches around at the widest point(s), and 3 inches around the rest of it. I don’t have enough smaller toys that aren’t glass, so this was ideal already.

The Clover’s delightfully soft and bendy – almost jellylike, actually, but without the barbie-had-a-bath-in-petrol smell and general grossness that usually comes with jelly toys. The vibrator slot carved out in the base means that the bottom half of it is significantly squishier than the top half; I haven’t noticed any weird differences or anything, but if it bothers you for whatever reason you can just stick your finger (flick away to your heart’s content) or a bullet vibe in there. Speaking of bullet vibes, the one that came with this didn’t work so I just switched it out with my We-Vibe Tango. I don’t think I’m missing out on much.

Using it feels easy – the silicone’s shiny but not grippy and the small size means that I don’t need a river of lube like I usually do. I was expecting the mushroom-y tip to feel weird, like it’d deliver a really intense popping sensation, but for whatever reason it doesn’t. I’m glad about that because I can’t stand that popping thing but I know other people go nuts for it; instead it’s just gentle and floaty and nice and I utilise that flicking method I mentioned above for fucking good orgasms without any lube divining or wrist cramp. I even managed to dislodge both false eyelashes* while using it with the Mystic Wand, which is the mark of an excellent orgasm in my books.

The Clover probably isn’t for you if you like a lot of girth or firm pressure, but if you like your toys on the smaller, softer side or you’re just a sucker for a pretty dick, you can get yourself a Clover directly from Tantus!

If you’re reading this and they’re all out of stock, the Sport has a sorta similar shape and the O2/Pack & Play lines have a nice squidgy feel.

* I’ll admit that they’d been stuck on for entirely too long that day but a win’s a win or something

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Review – Durex Sensual Bliss massager




The Sensual Bliss massager is one of Durex’s newest offerings, a small silicone ‘intimate massager’ that looks almost exactly like a ufo. That’s the sole reason I requested it, actually; it genuinely looks like a tiny little flying saucer. The only thing that could make it look any more like an alien transport device is if it had flashing lights embedded around the edge. Missed a trick on that one, Durex.

It’s impressive at first glance; packaging isn’t something I particularly care about either way unless it’s the awful plastic clamshell stuff that you can’t even recycle, but the box this came in is surprisingly attractive – very, very similar to the Lelo boxes, but sturdier. The buttons are a little stiff but at least they aren’t the flat, basically undetectable kind, it charges via usb, and the box says it’s splashproof but I managed to drop it in the bath and it’s still going strong. Good so far? Ah.

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Stuff I’m into – March edition

In an attempt to spruce my blog up, I’m going to be posting lil update posts at the end of each month! Reviews are all very well but at the snail-like pace I produce them, it ends up looking a bit abandoned around here. Shabby. Not-so-great.

It’ll be stuff I’m into, stuff I’m not into, mini reviews, general bits and bobs…expect a lot more in April’s post because I pulled this one together at the last minute; realising you can’t put up any of the pictures you wanted to because literally all of them have your identifying features in (I love that, it makes me sound like a really shit spy) or you’ve already plastered them everywhere else is a punch to the gut like no other. Remind me not to be so vain in future?

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a- I found my camera! and the battery! then lost the battery, again / b- I’ve reached new and more pretentious art hoe heights / c- a set of beautiful but unsafe rose quartz butt beads from luxotiq; I emailed them about this and they never responded. 0/10, would not recommend / d- a very rosebuddy rosebud / e- dick pic courtesy of the tantus pack n play 02 / f- super nut. super. nut. that dildo is the lovehoney beaded glass one and it is fantastic.

Other, less nsfw stuff I was into this month – Oatly non-dairy milk, suede everything, banana pancakes, learning how to ride a bike again and only scraping my knees five times, alien plaits, good real-life work things, Anna’s ginger thins, these socks, my brand new boots, my brand new email, my brand new haircut.

Oh, and in terms of bloggy things, there’ll be a new review of the Durex Sensual Bliss massager up in the next few days (a cute purple ufo) and then the Divine Interventions Jackhammer Jesus after that, maybe a quickie post on glass toys and I’ve a post on strapless strapons in the works but I doubt that’ll be completed very soon…

And finally, some timely offers –

  • Tantus have international shipping for either $9.95 or $19.95 until the 19th of May.
  • Tantus have also brought back the Clover for a limited time, which is an adorable shimmery pink dildo with a vibrator slot; someone please buy one so I can live vicariously through you. It’s only $29.99!
  • Fun Factory recently released some new bullet covers! They’re cute and lumpy and ever-so-slightly overpriced. Ooooh! And the Stronic Drei comes in black now. Sorta looks like a Godzilla peen.
  • There’s a long, double ended silicone dildo in blue (proper sky blue!) on sale for £17.50 in the Lovehoney sale.
  • Aaand to tie it all up with a pretty bow – if you’ve a jelly toy burning a melty, sticky hole in your toolbox, Crystal Delights are giving you 25% off if you destroy one and send them a picture of the gory evidence. I honestly don’t see a single downside to this.

 Happy Spring! 

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Review – Lelo Siri 2


The Siri 2 is hereeee! I got mine way back in January and about, er, two? choppy paragraphs praising it have been languishing in my drafts ever since with not very much progress being made. I always find it inordinately difficult to write about stuff I actually just plain like; I’m happiest writing clumsy sonnets for buttplugs.

The Siri 2 is an upgrade from Lelo’s old Siri; the new version is smaller and sleeker (thanks Bex for the size comparison!), “100% more powerful than the original”, waterproofed, and sadly doesn’t come in the lovely bright red of the original; just purple, pink, and black this time round. Oh yeah, and it has a sound responsive mode. Get off while you get down? I – I don’t know.

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Size comparison – medium njoy pure plug vs Rosebud princess plugs



I’ve already posted these on all my social media bits so it seemed right to post it here too; someone in my comments section wanted a comparison of the medium njoy pure plug and the small and large Julian Snelling Rosebuds, so I snapped these!

Size breakdown –

Medium njoy pure plug – 4 inches in circumference at the widest point and 1.7 inches long, curved stem measures 1.5 inches long and is 1 inch in circumference at the thickest part (at the top). Base is 2.5 inches long.

Large JS Rosebud plug – 4 inches in circumference at the widest point and 2 inches long, straight stem measures just under 1 inch in both length and circumference. Base is just over an inch across.

Small JS Rosebud – 3 inches in circumference at the widest point and 1.5 inches long, straight stem measures 0.8 inches long and is too slim to accurately measure around but I got 0.8 inches. Base is an inch across.

If long term wear is your jam then I’d opt for the njoy pure plug, and if it’s a strictly masturbation/sex only plug you’re lookin’ for I’d go for the large Julian Snelling Rosebud plug. The bases on the Rosebuds are beautiful but they aren’t super comfortable, and as I detailed in my princess plug size guide, the small is so tiny (and adorable!) that I’d only recommend it to absolute butt beginners who know they’re not going to want to size up in future. I would also advise against rough penetrative sex with the small plug because the base has a gradual curve going on that the other sizes don’t, and I’ve read one too many reviews where it’s slipped inside someone.

You can snag yourself an njoy pure plug from Desires of The I-D (£54.99 – £79.99) and a Rosebud princess plug either from Lovehoney or directly from Rosebuds.

Update – for a very limited time the large t-bar Rosebuds are on sale for £50 at Lovehoney. Hurry up and get one before they’re all gone!