Review – Lelo Hula Beads

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I think I might be fundamentally missing the point of the Hula Beads.

I’ve never been one for ‘love eggs’. It’s such a married-with-2-kids-and-a-silver-car thing – ‘hubby controlled this egg while we were in Tesco! it was such a turn on! lol!’ and all the ones I’ve experienced so far have been noisy and ugly. The Hula Beads are neither of these things, but they still didn’t work out for me. I’m starting think that I should stick to Lelo’s regular line in future, because me and this Insignia line just aren’t getting along like we’re supposed to.

Even though purple’s my least favourite colour, I’ve got to admit that the Hula Beads are ridiculously gorgeous. I have the deep rose set, and it’s a vampy, rich fuchsia offset by gold accents. I’m a total sucker for Lelo’s silicone; satin-smooth, it feels almost velvety, barely picks up dust, and covers the rigid inner workings with a silky, waterproof shell. They feel reassuringly sleek and weighty, but are let down a little by the highlights, which are disappointingly just gold-painted plastic. C’mon, Lelo – surely the £120 price tag warrants actual metal and not spraypainted ABS?

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Review – SpareParts Hardwear Bella lingerie harness

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I think I might be allergic to traditional harnesses.

Like, I get it, I really do – they’re practical, and you can get bigger dicks in them. They don’t slip. Interchangeable O-rings! But they’re strappy and fiddly and I’m conflicted on my leather feelings and I hate g-strings and I don’t think I have enough of an ass to wear a jock style without feeling like Hank Hill and and and…no. Just no. Enter stage – the SpareParts Bella. The plushest, most femme harness I’ve ever laid eyes on.

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