The lovely people over at Give Pleasure sent me a parcel full of lubes ‘n’ things to review a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been putting it off because I’ve had the crashing realisation that I’m terrible at reviewing lube. How do you describe the texture of a liquid without actually being able to grab someone’s hand and go ‘here, touch it, feeeeeeeeel it, revel in it’? There’s only so many times you can say ‘slippery’ before everyone figures out that you’ve run out of words. Luckily for me, I ended up having a broad range of experiences with them, so all is not lost and I managed to write about them without breaking down or using ‘slick’  a hundred times.

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Wanna know something mildly horrifying? When I first started buying sex toys, I didn’t use lube. Lube costs money, and I produce my own lube, right? Who even needs lube! It’s a scam!

Yeah. No. Unfortunately this guided misadventure didn’t end as quickly as it should have, because the one time I did have lube generously applied to my vulva (a flavoured Durex variety) it gave me The Yeast Infection From Hell and I declared all lubricants unsafe for my body and studiously avoided the ‘essentials’ section of any sex toy website I visited. It could’ve been worse – I wasn’t into insertable toys for the longest time and was mainly using things for clit stim, where I actually prefer not to be dripping in lube. Still though. When I brought my Gigi out of her early retirement, she came with a bonus tube of Lelo lube and Lelo sachets – which I now have approx. 10 billion of knocking around – and hey, might as well try it. It was a revelation of biblical proportions, I’m talking like, tidal waves of realisation.

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