apricot creams sex toy reviews | i like fruit & fake dicks

This is the kind of thing I should probably put on instagram – I have one now, go here! It has er, one picture so far – but I figured I’d post it here to start with because my blog can always use more not-review posts. I always have a little tiny bit of guilt about not being as fast as I should be with reviews*, so view this as a stop-gap of sorts – plus pretty pictures!

    
I have a review of the Slow Drive coming up soooooon-ish; much like the Pearly it’s lounging around with it’s not my favourite but it does have a firm place in my toolbox/heart/delete as applicable. Look at that shimmery green! That perfect icepop lime is gone forever (probably) but you can snag yourself one of the limited edition purple haze Slow Drives or cross your fingers and pray to the dildo fairies for a slime green something in a grab bag order. You might even end up with something better.

I don’t want to talk about the colossal disappointment that is the iroha mini ever again. I will, however, point you in the direction of the squishy Sakura and the new Minamo, which looks promising if a little bland.

There will be no Tantus Flurry review, unfortunately; it didn’t work for me and I returned it for the princely sum of 8000 Lovehoney Oh points. Pretty though, no? The squishy O2 silicone is what dreams are made of (it’s MUCH squishier than the Cush) and it looks like a strawberry milkshake got stuck in a cock mould, but it’s more of an in-out in-out dick with the ridges that placed that high up. I usually don’t thrust with my toys, I jiggle and wiggle and tap on the base, but if you’re one of those boundlessly energetic people who ride theirs or you’re after a good thrusting/harnessable dildo it’s a great option.

RIP Flurry. I hope you’ve been ground down into a recycled cake mould for ethically concious mamas or something.

Ella is small and streamlined and very, very pretty and shot into the depths of my heart (and the first three inches or so of my vagina) with all the force of a steam train. I snagged it when Lovehoney discontinued it – WHY, GOD – and I’m well and truly smitten. Review coming up soon-ish; I have the same hopeless love for the Ella that everyone and their mum seems to have for the Mona 2. They’re only £25 at Simply Pleasure right now, just an fyi…

This is the DOMINIX heart slapper paddle I mentioned in my sleepover post here and I’ve been meaning to get around to doing a proper review for it for a while now but every time I go to take pictures of it a cat sits on it. I can’t blame them though, it’s a lovely little thing, light and made from smooth leather – slapper paddles have never really appealed to me because of the noise, but this is my favourite exception. It’s sleek, stingy, and has a cute little heart cutout that leave pretty pink marks behind. I look a bit like someone’s taken a large paintbrush and splattered my behind with watercolour afterwards. It’s easy to wield, although I wish the handle was more rounded, and it’s one of those things I feel happy recommending to anyone; unless of course, you’re vegan. It’s £18.99 at Lovehoney, and they do another rather fetching heart paddle here.

* Well, reviews for things I buy myself.