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So. I won a two-month subscription to Crash Pad Series through the lovely Aerie’s Room, and I’ve quickly become a huge fan of it – it’s like my third most visited website, which is pretty impressive considering I’m someone who’s never been into watching porn until really recently. They’ve made an educational porn film called the Crash Pad Guide to Fisting, and it’s super hot, super funny, and stars a ton of absolute babes, including: Lorelei Lee, Beretta James, Mariah Cherry, Maybelline, Jacqueline Woods, Stefani Special, Red Jackhammer, and Javier. I’m imploring you to go and buy a subscription right this minute, and watch this, and support Crash Pad so they can make more films like this, because it is GLORIOUS.

It’s a believable concept – it opens with Lorelei Lee (all eager smiles, platinum plaits and sparkling pearly teeth) sitting down and showing Beretta James (silky dark hair, killer eyebrows and a very spoonable butt) some fisting scenes from Crash Pad as a combination of inspiration and education. It’s something I’ve done before with my partners – ‘look at this, look how cute they are! Have we got one of those? Do you think we can do this sometime?’ They giggle together, and Lorelei assures Beretta that it won’t hurt her as long as they do it right and go slowly.

The first scene she shows Beretta is one between Maybelline and Mariah Cherry, which is my second favourite Crash Pad scene of all time – if you’re not familiar with it, go watch it, it’s got sticky marshmallows and trashy magazines and fluffy pink nightgowns and super cute femmes doing super dirty things to each other, it’s kind of like a John Waters short film but with more fisting – and a fragment of a scene starring Jacqueline Woods giving off some serious disdainful Goddess vibes while she fists and spanks the adorable Stefani Special.

The main focus of the film is on front hole fisting, but after being shown the Stefani/Jacqueline scene, Beretta exclaims, ‘oh my god! that’s her ass!’ to which Lorelei responds with, ‘yeah! the wedge works for the ass too’, and this leads to some great, relatable communication between the two of them, featuring example hand motions and Lorelei showing Beretta ‘just one more’ scene, this time between Red Jackhammer and Javier. She’s really done her research, has Lorelei.

Like all of the Crash Pad films I’ve seen so far (I haven’t watched every single one in their vast compendium but you bet I’m working on it), it actively showcases safe sex. Beretta dons a pair of electric blue latex gloves before she fingers Lorelei, and the Hitachi magic wand, which makes an appearance about midway through the film, has a condom rolled over the plush-but-porous head. Copious amounts of what I think is Gun Oil is used throughout the scene, communication between the two performers is frequent and they both check in on each other regularly.

The active communication is probably what makes this scene as useful as it is, and it’s a big part of why I like it so much – in the first part of the film, Beretta expresses her worries about ‘not doing it right’ and Lorelei reassures and comforts her. About 15 minutes in, Lorelei tells Beretta ‘not just yet, let’s do something else for a bit’, they laugh, kiss, Beretta removes herself (literally) from Lorelei and they get down to doing something else. Consent isn’t taken for granted in this film, which makes me unbelievably happy, and there’s a continuous dialogue between the two of them; not just verbal, but through the use of body language and eye contact too. It’s not stilted, there’s no vibe of ‘we’ve done this, so we’ll do this now’, you don’t feel like they’re just ticking off sex acts until they’ve orgasmed. It’s very passionate and enthusiastic – there’s a ton of making out, oral sex, nipple play, face stroking, giggling, dirty talk, a huge focus on mutual pleasure, and it progresses and ends organically. 

I feel all kinds of good ways about the Crash Pad Guide to Fisting. It’s an honest film. It’s sweet, it’s funny, it’s super hot, it’s informative, it has a nice visual summary at the end of the scene and a hilarious ending (‘I had some ideas’), and it has the same effect on me that the vast majority of Crash Pad videos do; it turns me on but it makes me happy, too – really, genuinely happy. Because it means that there are people out there who look like me, and they identify like me, and they have bodies like me and they fuck like me and they exist! It’s incredibly validating, and it means that I’m not alone – something that’s important beyond measure. And you know what else? It made me wanna get fisted. Let’s do this.